Harry Potter and the gay bar
by Yamiswift -and- Temporary.Bobs
Summary: crossover HP and PotC, Random characters enter daveys amazing gay bar!What would happen when Harry Potter and co. wonder into a Gay Bar? Accompanyed by Sparrow and Norrie!
1. Chapter 1

Harry Potter and the Gay Bar

**Authors Note:**

**Wes is weirdo nerds, eh eh eh**

**wes credit JK, Disney, Garth Nix and Usz**

**is smexy to Hobbits and Smurfz alike methinks**

**RUM is the answer to everything ja**

**Eats our enjambment lol!!**

**Swifty- We wuz here but now wez gone, wez left this shiz to turn you on:**

_Chapter 1_

_Back and forth Harry paced outside the Room of Requirement, Ron anxiously muttering incantations under his breath:_

"_Lumos, Nox, Lumos, Nox-"_

"_For God's sake Ron will you stop playing with your wand!" Hermione whined as Ron continued to feebly light his wand and extinguish it._

"_Sorry Hermione" Ron said guiltily looking down at the offending article._

"_It's ready!" exclaimed Harry, curtailing the impending argument, "Okay let's get in there then" Shoving Hermione and Ron through the newly appeared door Harry noticed Draco Malfoy coming around the corner, and feeling like a fresh start on their loose relationship gestured him in as well, "Coming?"_

"_Yes indeed" replied Draco enthusiastically, skipping towards the open door, feeling hopeful, "why thank you Harry, I feel- _THE GAY BAR?!"

"Sorry it was all I could think about, and you know how literal the Room is-"

"HARRY, WHY ARE WE IN A GAY BAR?!" exclaimed Hermione calmly who had been glancing around the room in contempt for some time.

"_Erector Pilli_" yelled Ron, feeling a need to contribution to the conversation in some way, accidentally pointing his wand at Hermione's face,

"Oh my Gawd- my eyebrows! I can't see" said Hermione, stacking over a chair as her eyebrows grew to the same proportions and density as Russell Brant's hair, at which point she stumbled out of the newly founded Gay Bar, sobbing into her spectacular and very feminine facial hair.

"Oops," said Ron sounding not at all guilty, "Aw well, she had it coming…. OMG, Malfoy put your clothes back on!!!" Malfoy, who was dancing on a table naked, climbed back down and grabbed some random man's clothes that had been conveniently left on the chair next to him,

"Sorry," he mumbled, "I was bored and no one was talking to me… Harry told me to…" Upon his mentioning everyone glanced at Harry in confusion, only to become even more confused upon seeing him amidst performing the YMCA with some sailors (and we all know what they do in the Navy…) …

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_Mr Becket Bucket, chief executive of the east India trading company, wandered into his new office at Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry. Why it was there no one knows (well to teach witches and wizards of course), but it was. He looked bemusedly around for his new co-worker, of whom he could see no sign. Still failing to see anyone he tuned to inspecting the plaque on the door,_

"_S-P-A-R-R-_oh…" suddenly coming to a realisation about who's name it was he was reading he voiced an entirely improper opinion, "oh crap! SPARROW!!"

"Yes." Announced the amazingly dashing pirate Captain Jack Sparrow, whilst clambering out of the giant wardrobe that was there for no apparent reason.

"Sparrow...you're a pirate, so why are you in my office?" Bucket-I mean-Beckett said with a tone of long suffering, a reproachful and quite honestly disgusted look on his face, "and what is that you are wearing on your head?"

"Well my friend, it happens to be all your important documentations from the last six months, fashioned using intricate paper folding techniques taught to me by sea turtles, and made into my perfect hat, of which I am now wearing" Jack said flashing Beckett a strange rum-induced grin. Beckett looked at him strange then ran away.

As Jack watched Beckett run away there was a strange muffled cry from the general direction of the wardrobe and out burst James Norrington, unfortunately catless. He promptly stacked into Beckett's desk.

"Am I too late?" he mumbled sheepishly, or should I say Norringtonishly.

**Authors Note:**

**Temporary.Bobs-What do they do in da Navy? I'll ask Jem eh!?**

**You still owe me 50p Swifty but alas she is skint**

**Poor Swifty**

**Yamiswift- I might be skint but at least I don't stack into **_**BUS STOPS**_

**Review Savvy?**


	2. Chapter 2

Herbology for Beginners

**A/N:****Our second amazing chapter! gasp**

_Chapter 2_

As Beckett stormed through Hogwarts, angry that a rum-drinking lunatic was currently accommodating his office, and for that matter was his peer, and so came to storm into the Male Staff toilets.

"This isn't the Male Staff Toilets!" exclaimed Beckett as he glanced suspiciously around the Gay Bar,

"Neah, they're two doors back…" replied a queasy looking Minister of Magic, who was there for no apparent reason apart from to administer some magic- to who and what though was unspecified. With that the Minister wandered out in search of some medicinal teacakes, as Harry potter stumbled in from the same general direction from which he had come.

"Have you seen the Minister of Magic around here?" Harry enquired,

"I've only just got here!" replied Beckett huffily, wandering over to the bar to order some non-alcoholic alcohol, where by he was promptly flattened by an over-excitable Captain Jack, who was followed by a surprised, and consequently still catless, Commodore Norrington.

"Rum!" demanded the ever-drunk Captain, "and lots of me' arty, _hic_," Spontaneously Ron sat down beside Jack and did something not very interesting but decidedly distracting, causing jack to become sufficiently distracted to accidentally partake of Beckett's non-alcoholic alcohol in one giant swig, temporarily rendering him sober. In his sobering state he drew himself up to his fullest height, and become incredibly posh.

"Filth!" he said nasally, throwing the non-alcoholic beverage to the floor, "tis not rum most probably, I say chaps, EGAD!!!" Norrington gave him a funny look, as did Ron, who was sidling away attempting to be inconspicuous.

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As Ron approached Harry, who had given up his searching for the Minister, and who seemed untroubled by his brief and random presence, Neville sauntered in.

"I seem to be having some problems with my Mandrake, it seems particularly flaccid today," said Neville waving his mandrake in their general direction.

"Here let me help" offered Ron, whipping out his wand, "_Wingardium Leviosa_!" he yelled with aplomb (i.e. great enthusiasm). Neville's mandrake stood stiffly to attention,

"Thanks Ron" Neville grinned, fondling his now turgid mandrake. At which point came a yell and a muffled explosion, and a strange man-thing stepped out of the kitchen.

"Who the bloody hell are you?" demanded Commodore Norrington, who was making up for Jack's sobriety by swearing as often as possible.

"Ah!" exclaimed the tranny-mannie "You must be the Commodore Norway!"

"Norrington." Said the catless Commodore, looking rather pissed off.

"Never mind that!" yelled the girly man "I need to make my big introduction; I am Davey, lord and propitiator of this Gay Bar, mwa haha…! Stick that in spandex and suck it…"

**A/N: Intro… Davey Havoc- our ultimate OC!**

**[See 'Chronicles of Davey'**

**Is this okay? **


End file.
